Sister-ship

I've written about surgeries, appointments, and hitting bottom. I've written about who Kennedy is, how much my support system means to me, and what I'm afraid of the most for Kennedy. Today, I'm writing about big sisters (which may seem odd since I don't have one nor am I one). More importantly, I'm writing about Katie. I've shared bits and pieces about Katie, but I haven't shared who she is on this journey. And frankly, she's a pretty important piece of our puzzle not to share. 

I came home from answering phones for the Duke Children's Radiothon the other day to a text from Katie, telling me she had donated money in honor of Kennedy. Her own money. She donated last year too but that was a little different - Kennedy was trying to raise a certain amount and honestly who weren't we begging from then? This year she is a poor college student, hours from home and the radiothon. I mean, we know that like most college kids she would rather spend her money on tutors and study guides and laundry and Friday night pizzas while she stays in and studies (right? that's what college kids spend their own money on, right?). So that she would make the effort this year to donate, to donate her own money, and do it in honor of her little sister? It made my eyes overflow and my heart swell with pride and love.

But should this surprise me? No, because this is who Katie is. From the time she cried tears of joy upon hearing that she was going to be a big sister, Katie has truly been a part of this journey. And mature beyond her years, she has taught us many a thing throughout this journey. She was the one who taught me through a story she wrote and shared with her second grade class, that her sister was born with an ear "that looks like a flower, and that's okay." She's the one that taught me that it is okay to pick on Kennedy, that she needs it to build her self-confidence and it teaches her how to stick up for herself. She's the one who continues to try to teach me YOLO!, that you only live once (of course now that I think about it, this usually has to do with something that costs ME a lot of money in the end). She's the one who taught me that as the big sister, she is the best one to pull out the smiles and laughter when Kennedy turns inward and tries to shut the world out.  

But being Kennedy's big sister hasn't always been easy. She has been put on the back burner while we deal with medical issues. She has had to enjoy vacation excursions without her mom because I was at the hospital with Kennedy. She went a whole month with seeing me only in a hospital setting, and usually crying. She's had to leave a sick and unstable Kennedy a number of times because she wasn't allowed to stay in the hospital with her, not knowing if she'd see her again. She's had to sit through school knowing Kennedy is in surgery and also knowing that surgery can go bad in a matter of seconds for Kennedy. She has had to face some pretty special moments (like being honored on the homecoming court) without me there to cheer her on because I was in a surgical waiting room. She's had to sit back at times and watch Kennedy get presents and attention and extra love. She's had to endure Kennedy's jealousy of her non-medical filled life which only gets worse the older Kennedy gets. I could go on and on. But do you know how she handles these situations? With grace. Because this is who Katie is.

Although I don't have a sister myself, I know plenty of people who do. Some get along, some are estranged. Some fight constantly, some would give their life for the other. Sister-ship is a complicated thing, for sure. Goodness knows that these two have their own moments. But being a big sister on this journey has helped Katie become a good sister, a good friend, a good person. That's one of the positives of this journey...seeing how it has positively shaped this beautiful young woman. 

With all that we've been through, with all that she has seen and been witness too, Katie has decided to follow the dream of a nursing career. And although she is leaning in a different way, I know in my heart that she will end up on a pediatric floor somewhere. Because if you can make Kennedy laugh on the darkest of a hospital day, then you have a calling. No matter what she chooses, both patients and their families alike will be lucky to have her in their life, even if only for a short time. 

As Katie continues to soar through life, my worries about Kennedy making her way through this journey in the future lessen. Because I know that if ever I can't be the one to stand up for her, or pull her up and keep her going, she has a big sister right behind me waiting to pitch in. Because this is who Katie is. 

And whether Katie believes it or not (age 10 brings out the sisterly attitude full-force), Kennedy loves her big sister more than words can say. As do I.